gutentagfandomcom-20200213-history
Joe's Dream
One night, Joe Scaife had perhaps the most bizzare dream in the history of humanity. This dream was so hilarious he actually woke up laughing at 3am to write the whole thing down. The next day he met Drew and Harley, carrying the record of the dream in his pocket. If he had not brought the dream up with them in Waterstones in Sheffield that day, it would have probably been lost to the mists of time forever. The Dream The following account was posted by Joe on the Lemon Demon forums the day after it occured. "My dream actually had opening titles and ending credits. I've probably been watching too many movies/too much TV. But yeah. The opening titles had the theme to the Crystal Maze as music, and they were just random photos of dogs. The name of the dream, according to the opening sequence, was "How to Make Gagging Noises," sponsored by Encyclopedia Britannica. Part 1 of "How to Make Gagging Noises" - I dreamt that a group of fascists, called John (John being the name of the group, not the individual fascists) split away from the Conservative party and then took over Britain. They made everyone in Britain line up on conveyor belts with autism detectors, and whenever anyone autistic walked through they beeped. The members of John proceeded to tear their legs off and throw them into a big pile. The legs were then hooked up to a "consciousness transferring machine" which transferred the consciousness of the members of John into these legs. Eventually we ended up with a ruling fascist party made entirely out of sentient autistic legs. At some point these fascist legs all came together and grew into a huge centipede like being, someone shouted "THATCHER SHALL RISE AGAIN!", and Margaret Thatcher's face appeared on the centipede (she could shoot laser beams from her eyes.) The giant Thatcherpede then proceeded to terrorise the town, shooting "undesirables" with laser beams. When she came across someone with a really serious offense - a homosexual or communist for example - Thatcher's face changed into the face of the guy on the Quaker Oats box, said "TREE!" and then ate the offender. Then the Thatcherpede walked up to me, a robotic voice beeped (For some reason I was a communist revolutionary in the dream.) Then the inevitable happened... the Quaker Oats guy appeared, said "TREE!" and ate me. I remember being inside the Thatcherpede's stomach, with a bunch of other people. I asked them why they weren't trying to get out. "We can't agitate Thatcher!" a communist said. "If we do, she'll produce stomach acid, and we'll all be digested!" "Then we need to do something that she won't notice, comrades!" I said, and looked around, McGyver like, for something to escape with. I saw two frogs in the corner, and asked two of my comrades to rub them together really fast until they caught fire. Then we smooshed the flaming frogs into the wall of the Centipede until we heard the centipede rapidly flickering between Thatcher's face and the Quaker oats guy, desperately shrieking "TREE! TREE! TREE!" and then it exploded. We were free! "The fascist John party is over!" I shouted. "We're free, comrades!" Then everyone gave a great shout and there was celebration. Then someone shouted out "This is the best communist revolution ever!" and then everyone simultaneously put sunglasses on and started dancing to 60s music. Then Chairman Mao appeared and said "And now, a triangle:" And then there was a scene with an equilateral triangle that started growing and shrinking and changing size and colour and orientation, with random organ music playing in the background. (The same music you hear when you're uploading a YTMND.) Occasionally the triangle was interrupted by pictures of random things: Adolf Hitler, an angry weasel, a football, Wayne Rooney, the Pope, and a Tesco's store. Then the triangle turned into a star of David, Ronald Reagan appeared and said "Congratulations! It's rabbi time! You win!" And then the "That's all folks" music from Looney tunes played and a rabbi's face appeared and grew and then shrunk on screen. Then there was a fanfare, and the end credits rolled. The end credits featured a LOT of eskimos on a really long bike - like a tandem but with hundreds of seats instead of two - cycling across the bottom of the screen while the credits rolled above them and "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" played. I don't remember the full credits, but the script writer was Jacques Chirac and the executive producer was called "Pip Pip Pip Pip (fish) Pipson." (Yes, one of his middle names was a picture of a fish. I don't know how his name was pronounced.) Then as the music stopped and the credits finished the letters "YOUR MUM" appeared in enormous flaming letters for a few seconds, then there was an evil laugh, a 20 sided dice rolled across the "screen" (or whatever your mental cinema is called) and then I woke up laughing and wrote everything down." Influence on Hivemind Culture *The Thatcherpede has become a Hivemind meme, and has even been digitally rendered by Lorna. To a lesser extent, "It's Rabbi Time" and Pip Pip Pip Pip (fish) Pipson have also become Hivemind memes. *On the Hivemind forum, :fish: displays a fish emoticon, and the name "Pip" is filtered to "Pip Pip Pip Pip :fish: Pipson". Influences *The name Pip Pip Pip Pip (fish) Pipson and its associated hilarity is probably a distant memory of a time when Joe and Harley (and I think Drew) were reading a book in a bookstore and laughing over the name "William Bottom Bottom Bottom." *The John Party bore a striking resemblance to the Norsefire Party from V for Vendetta in my dream. *The Quaker Oats guy who says "tree" is directly taken from the YouTube Poop video Why Farting Is Illegal In Hyrule.